


Kiss and Throw-up

by bluevk



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, Jennie and Chaeyoung are cute tho, The word hate is used too often, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 22:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30062328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluevk/pseuds/bluevk
Summary: where jennie’s life is perfect, or at least she makes it seem that way.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Kudos: 15





	Kiss and Throw-up

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie smiles slyly as she stares at her reflection from her large, extravagant mirror. Her hair is styled in loose curls and and she’s wearing one of her infamous headbands, matched with black chanel dress she’s currently wearing. 

Jennie looks perfect, as usual and she’s sure her night will go the exact way. She’s got the whole night planned out and she can’t wait. 

She gives herself a once over, smiles proudly again and is heading downstairs, her red louboutins clicking loudly against the marble floor. 

She struts down the hallway, feeling more sure of herself than she ever has, and she’s practically beaming with excitement, her smile genuine for once. 

She’s going to lose her virginity to her boyfriend and they’ll be the happiest couple ever, and they’ll be high school sweethearts, who got married and had two dogs and one lovely girl. 

* * *

Jennie laughs, her voice low as she tries to remain elegant and give off the dainty vibes from her favourite hollywood classics. 

She sips her champagne, the rosé flavoured drink swishing around in her glass as she leans a little forward towards her boyfriend. 

“it’s getting a little boring, let’s get out of here.” she whispers seductively and her boyfriend nods, dazed. She smiles and leads him to her bedroom. 

“Did i tell you just how handsome you look today,” Jennie bites her lips, doesn’t give her boyfriend a chance to reply, “because i’m about to show you right now.” 

She’s leaning over and kissing him passionately, leaning closer and pressing herself on to the blonde male. Her boyfriend responds by slipping his tongue into her mouth and grabbing her ass, pulling her closer by her hips. 

They kiss and tango to her boyfriend, soft sighs leave her mouth as her boyfriend starts kissing her neck. He goes to pull of her dress, slowly unzipping it, when her mother’s loud voice interrupts them. 

“Jennie, come down quickly, you won’t believe who’s here!” Jennie’s mom, god she’s insufferable, shouts from the other side of the door, “it’s  _ Chaeyoung _ !” 

* * *

Jennie’s night was meant to go perfectly but as soon as the arrival of Chaeyoung was mentioned, everything went downhill faster than she could say ‘chanel’. 

Jennie was seething. Her boyfriend seemed especially excited and ran away to greet her ex best friend, like she wasn’t there. 

Nevertheless, Jennie smiled and made her way down to greet her. 

Chaeyoung looked effortlessly beautiful. She always did and it made Jennie’s stomach churn. She spent time and money to make her hair look soft and like the girl from the shampoo commercial but then Chaeyoung looked like that even after a long flight. 

Jennie spent hours at the gym sweating off like a pig so that she could have the model like body Chaeyoung had because of her fast metabolism. 

Jennie tried everything, she bent herself backwards just for her boyfriend to glance over her and look at Chaeyoung the way Jennie deserved to be looked at. 

She hated Chaeyoung, but what she hated most about the girl was that she loved her. 

* * *

“Jenduekie! i missed you so much, it feels so nice to see you again.” 

“Yeah i can tell from all the messages and calls you left me.”

Jennie is blunt and honest, her voice sweet yet it cuts and Chaeyoung’s smile dims. Something in her heart makes her feel slightly bad but who is Jennie Kim if not petty. 

“Jen about that, i’m so sorr-“

“oh don’t worry about, all water under the bridge. i mean you’re here now after all.” 

Jennie’s words are meant to be comforting but her voice is poisonous and insincere. Only Chaeyoung can tell though, after all she had known the short brunette best. 

* * *

Jennie smiles in excitement as she makes her way to her boyfriend’s home. She’ll finally get what she’s been wanting and Chaeyoung won’t be a problem anymore. 

Jennie knows it makes no sense but consider it a power move. She knows her boyfriend is a virgin and first times are always special so it’s a win-win. 

She looks at herself in the elevator reflection, smiles and heads off to his apartment. 

She knows something is wrong as soon as her boyfriend opens the door and he seems unusually tense. 

She ignores it and dotes him on, they eat sushi and she’s so elated, she eats more than she should have but she doesn’t notice. 

She should have though because then her boyfriend is tense again and she goes to kiss him, it might be school stress, she’s confused though, because he doesn’t respond. 

She’s about to find out why he’s acting so strange. 

“Listen, i- i don’t want to lie to you anymore.” 

“what- why what’s wrong?”

“i- i’m… i’ve kissed Chaeyoung before, and i didn’t want to tell you but i can’t just- just keep on lying anymore and it’s-“

“but- but that’s all right, you kissed and it could be because of-“ 

“No. i slept with her, during the shepherd wedding and..” 

Jennie feels her heart break, tears fall from her eyes as she listens to her boyfriend go in detail about his first time with  _ Chaeyoung.  _

She hates how her boyfriend sounds so in love, he had never talked about Jennie that way and it hurts so much, it hurts so bad.

Jennie wishes she could rip out her heart, wishes someone had warned her about how much love hurts. 

It also hurts how her betrayal is so misplaced, she’s going crazy. 

* * *

Jennie makes her way home and immediately heads to the kitchen, her heart feels empty and she wants to fill it up with food. 

She stuffs her face with pie and she doesn’t even know if it’s apple or cherry. She eats and she cries. 

Why couldn’t it be her. 

Why did her mother love Chaeyoung more, why did her mother want Chaeyoung as a daughter. Why did her boyfriend love Chaeyoung more, Why did she have to try so hard to be loved and yet Chaeyoung got it all without even trying. 

She ate her feelings and then she had this urge to throw it all up. Like the feelings she wished she could throw away. Her heart felt heavy now. 

She was going through an emotional turmoil of a rollercoaster.

She headed to her bathroom, her sight blurred due to her tears and she threw up. She barfed and she hated it. 

She hated sticking her finger into her throat to force herself, she hated how it hurt and she was so, so, so tired. 

She was tired because here she was throwing up for the billionth time and she was tired because this habit had developed out of the need to be perfect, perfect for her mother, perfect for her boyfriend, perfect for  _ chaeyoung.  _

She broke down completely, sobbing over the toilet seat, her normally neat and well put attire and form was all messed up, just like her. 

Loud sobs left her mouth as she rocked herself backwards and forth, her stomach aching from throwing up. 

It hurt less than the pain of heartache. Especially because she had been so deep in denial. That last year, the kiss with Chaeyoung didn’t happen, that the reason she was hurt was because Chaeyoung had embarrassed her with her departure not actual feelings. 

But then her boyfriend, her stupid fucking boyfriend slept with Chaeyoung and she felt so betrayed, not at her boyfriend but at Chaeyoung because- 

Because Chaeyoung had kissed her before the shepherd wedding and then she went off to her boyfriend, when she had been right there. 

It hurt so much, so fucking much, why couldn’t she be enough for anyone.

She hated herself. 

Jennie cried harder, curling into herself more, and her fingers shook as reality hit her hard. She was so exhausted with all the negativity and hate, she felt it was weighing her down and Jennie struggled to breathe. 

Everything felt intense and her self hatred increased tenfold as she looked at herself i the mirror with bleary eyes. 

She was a mess. 

Jennie stood up slowly, as if such a small action took great effort and started to pinch and pull at her imperfections. 

Bile rose up in her throat as she wondered. Would people like her more if she was taller, would Chaeyoung choose her instead of her boyfriend if she was prettier. Would her mother look at her the way she looks at Chaeyoung if she were skinnier, if she had better hair, if she was just not who she was right now, if she wasn’t  _ Jennie _ , would people love her.

Jennie threw up again and a new wave of tears rolled down her face. She clutched her stomach in pain, coughing slightly as she emptied her stomach. 

As Jennie threw her guts out, she didn’t hear the noise of the door click open nor the tiny shocked gasp that left the persons mouth. 

* * *

Chaeyoung gasped as she saw her best friend kneeling over the toilet, vomiting like her life depended on it. She rushed forward, holding Jennie’s hair as she threw up more. 

She had come over hoping to catch up with the brunette and had picked Jennie’s favourite movies to watch. She had planned everything with Jennie’s personal maid, Dorota, and had made sure it would be a surprise. She was rather disappointed and worried at seeing the shorter girl’s current state. 

Once Jennie was done, Chaeyoung helped her clean up and finally asked, 

“Jennie, oh my god, how are you feeling, why were you crying, do you wanna talk, i’ll get you your favourite macaroons and-“ 

Chaeyoung paused mid rant at the pained look Jennie had on her face as she looked at her. She became more concerned and went to ask when Jennie spoke up, 

“Why are you here, haven’t you ruined my life enough.”

Chaeyoung was hurt by her words and made it clear as she flinched back. 

“Wha- Jennie what? ruined your life? i- you wanna talk Jen, come on what’s going on?” 

Jennie scoffed wetly, 

“You think i don’t know why you ran away? you thought you could kiss me and then fuck my boyfriend and just dip. Who do you think you are? playing with my feelings, am i a joke to you”

Jennie was angry now, she had cried and now she would scream. 

“I was- is it me? Was i not enough? I thought that you left because you regretted kissing me but- but you’re just a fucking slut and a whore and a home wrecker too! i fucking trusted you with- with my sexuality and my feelings and you played me!” 

Jennie was crying again and Chaeyoung’s heart broke. 

“Jen- i, i didn’t mean to sleep with- i swear, i was jealous and i wasn’t thinking right and i regretted sleeping with him so much-“ 

“YOU WERE JEALOUS??!”

Jennie’s furious, she’s tired and heartbroken. 

“what were you jealous about? you have everything you could have ever wanted, everything i want, you have it. You have everything.” 

“I don’t have everything. I don’t have you and i was jealous that he had you and didn’t even appreciate you-“

Jennie was highly confused now, her own emotions giving her a whiplash and her frustration was testing limits. 

“ME? what do you mean you didn’t have me? you’ve had me in love with you since, since forever and i don’t even know how or when it happened but you were so blind and you never noticed and-“ 

“Do you- Do you still love me? a-are you still in love with me” 

Chaeyoung had stuttered hopelessly devastated and Jennie knew what she meant. 

“Of course.”

“I- I love you too.”

Jennie blinked owlishly and confused, too tired to argue, she looked pointedly at Chaeyoung. 

“I- it’s true. I’ve been in love with you and that’s why i left, i couldn’t take it anymore, especially because i knew i had hurt you and it was just- i hated that i did that. i’ve always loved you but i could show it because- well because you were dating someone and you know your life seemed perfect and i wanted to see you happy even if it hurt but then i couldn’t take it anymore and i- i fucked up, royally. i’m so sorry, but it’s true i love you. I love you so much and i don’t think i can stop because i’ve tried to and i just can’t” 

Jennie kim was not someone you could just get over from, not someone who would let you move on so easily, but this time, Jennie was ready to move on, especially with the love of her life by her side. 

“you’ll have to make up for it and i’m not easy to please.” 

Jennie chuckled softly, her eyes still teary and her face blotchy and red but to Chaeyoung she was perfect. 

Chaeyoung stared at Jennie with hearts in her eyes, and it made Jennie’s heart swell with joy, all her insecurities felt useless, because Chaeyoung loves her and everyone wants to be loved by Chaeyoung yet she’s the only one who is. 

Jennie rolls her eyes and moves closer to Chaeyoung. 

“Chae, are you going to kiss me or..” 

“i- yes duh- i mean if that’s what you want.” 

Jennie scoffs good naturedly and kisses Chae with so much love and joy, and Chaeyoung doesn’t take a second to kiss back, her arms resting just above Jennie’s hips as the smaller girl, pulls her in closer, arms encircling her neck and hands running through her blonde locks. 

They break apart after a few minutes, panting but hearts swelling with joy and beaming smiles on their faces. 

“My breath smells like vomit…”

“I still love you anyway.” 

  
  


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